Rising.

So.  It’s been a couple years since I could say that I was a practicing Kemetic, and it’s been even longer since I paid any attention to this space.

My mother died two years ago (coming up on three) and during the “cleaning up the pieces” process, I stopped paying attention to my shrine and I slowly backed away from anything but the simplest of actions regarding my temple.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I was edging away even sooner than that, for other personal reasons, but my mother’s death really severed any energy I had to think about faith or community.

In October of this last year, someone (my doctor) finally realized that I had hit rock bottom, and I was put in the hospital.  I made a lot of revelations and spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and who I want to be.  At no point did I consider my faith.

I don’t know if that means anything.  I think that the hard truth is that I was scrabbling to gain purchase in my life and I could only focus on the basics.  What could hold me to this life.  I realized a few weeks later, after I was released, that I didn’t consider my faith one of those things.  I took a long hard look at my shrine, which I had never packed away, and decided once and for all, to just back away completely.

I dreamed that night, and every night after that, for a week.  Nothing clear and specific, just memories of the people I was once close to, what it was like to feel close to Nejter and especially my Father.  I followed those feelings and slowly reopened what small connections I remembered.

It hurt, at first.  And I felt lost.  I gave up so much over the years, preferring to hole up inside my head space and focus on surviving.

But I’m here now, and after some soul searching, I think I’m ready to jump headfirst into what it truly means for me to be Kemetic.  And for the first time in years, I feel hope.