Gatekeeper.

My temple community recently rallied together for a new event – coined the Kemetic Name Exchange.  Participants supplied the Name of a god that they wanted to receive attention in some way, and specified what kind of attention – hymn, heka, prayer, food offerings, etc.  All these Names went into a pool, and we were randomly assigned a Name to spend time with this month.

I received the Name, Aker.  Until the moment that I received my assignment, I had not heard this Name.  I was asked to offer Prayers of Protection at Sunrise and Sunset.  I had no idea what this meant.  Did I ask for protection of others?  for myself?  For the Name?  It was not specified, and I found myself pondering both a new god, and what I wanted to do with my prayers.

Needless to say, it was a lot to think about.

After some reading, I discovered something fascinating.  Aker is considered to be the deification of the horizon.  He guards the eastern and western borders of the netherworld, as a sort of Gatekeeper, and protects the sun god at sunrise and sunset.  The readings I’ve come across only mention only Ra, but clearly, since my Father is the god of the rising sun, Aker must be protecting Him at dawn, at the eastern border of the earth and the netherworld.  It was a beautiful revelation for me, and I realized that I wanted… needed… to make a new connection.  While I wouldn’t say that I’m ready to devote myself to Him constantly, (I still feel like I need to develop deeper connections with my Father and Beloveds), I was more than happy to pray to Him at sunrise and sunset.

I wake every morning at 6:30.  Doesn’t matter what day, doesn’t matter how late I stayed up the night before.  It’s just the way my brain operates.  But something that I’ve been terrible at doing, is paying attention to the sun rising.  I think many of us take it for granted – it happens every day, of course it does, why think about it?  But when I think about it… my Father, Aker, and many Others, are working diligently to make sure that it continues to happen.  That the world doesn’t fall into chaos and madness.  And so I am grateful for the task I was given.  I spent a few mornings and evenings, taking a pause from life, from stress, and stood outside and prayed to Aker.  Unsurprisingly, the sunrises were my favorite moments – not just because of my affinity with my Father, but also because it can be legitimately quiet.  I was able to listen to the world wake up, and it made me feel serene and calm.

I prayed differently each morning and evening, trying to speak from the heart.  Most days I asked for strength and protection for my Father, and my loved ones.  I spoke to Him about a few other things, but those are private 🙂

In the end, I very much appreciated this task, and I feel that I’ve discovered something important, and found another source of strength to draw from in the morning.

Remember.

Three years ago, January 21st, my mother passed away.  I’ve known for some time that I have never properly grieved her loss.  She was easily the most important person in my life, and I still do not know how or if I will ever fully recover.  It is only in recent weeks that I have placed her photo in my Akhu shrine.  Part of my resolve for this year is to spend more time honoring my akhu and processing my mom’s death.

To begin, I’d like to share a story, some gratitude, and a prayer.

Fraud.

I’ve always felt like a bit of a fraud.  I read accounts of other members of HoN and they just know so much.  It’s been seven years since my divining, and I admit to not being much closer to my Father and Beloveds than I was that first year.  You might think well didn’t you say you stepped away for awhile?

Yes, I did.  From the temple.  From the people.  It’s not really an excuse to abandon research and bonding with Them that I have made a vows to.

Also… I started fading away around 2014 with a hard step back in 2016.  That’s still two years.  The gods may not experience time as we do – but that was a lot of time for me to have learned, well, anything.

Confession: I’ve never even read the Prayerbook.

Mind you, this is not a requirement by the temple, or by Hemet (AUS).  It’s not a requirement from anyone.  But it is the single best source of rituals, prayers, and information about what it means to practice Kemetic Orthodox in existence.  It’s a text that I should constantly refer back to.  It’s a text that removes the research middleman from my spiritual process.

And I’ve never read it.

Hence, fraud.

Oh yes, let that paranoid negativity flow, Shu.  You wanted to make a series of “look at all the things I’m doing in service of Netjer” and instead you’ve crawled in here on your hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

Yes, I admit I’m being dramatic.  But I’m also letting my thoughts flow freely after a heavy night of sleep.  I know I dreamed, but I can’t remember what happened.  But this is how I feel this morning, and I’ve always felt it’s important to be honest with myself.  I need to do things differently this time.  I need to make changes, I need to really be present.  I fear that if I do not, I’ll just slide back into spiritual obscurity again.

I am actually working on projects and life routines in service to Netjer, but I don’t want to clutter this space with mixed energies, so expect to hear more on that later.

Rising.

So.  It’s been a couple years since I could say that I was a practicing Kemetic, and it’s been even longer since I paid any attention to this space.

My mother died two years ago (coming up on three) and during the “cleaning up the pieces” process, I stopped paying attention to my shrine and I slowly backed away from anything but the simplest of actions regarding my temple.

If I’m completely honest with myself, I was edging away even sooner than that, for other personal reasons, but my mother’s death really severed any energy I had to think about faith or community.

In October of this last year, someone (my doctor) finally realized that I had hit rock bottom, and I was put in the hospital.  I made a lot of revelations and spent a lot of time thinking about who I am and who I want to be.  At no point did I consider my faith.

I don’t know if that means anything.  I think that the hard truth is that I was scrabbling to gain purchase in my life and I could only focus on the basics.  What could hold me to this life.  I realized a few weeks later, after I was released, that I didn’t consider my faith one of those things.  I took a long hard look at my shrine, which I had never packed away, and decided once and for all, to just back away completely.

I dreamed that night, and every night after that, for a week.  Nothing clear and specific, just memories of the people I was once close to, what it was like to feel close to Nejter and especially my Father.  I followed those feelings and slowly reopened what small connections I remembered.

It hurt, at first.  And I felt lost.  I gave up so much over the years, preferring to hole up inside my head space and focus on surviving.

But I’m here now, and after some soul searching, I think I’m ready to jump headfirst into what it truly means for me to be Kemetic.  And for the first time in years, I feel hope.

 

Ten-Days Project – Khonsu

Last week the House celebrated All the gods in dua.  We were asked by Reverend Sedjemes to choose a god (or a few) that we are not familiar with, but wish to know better, and spend the next ten days honoring and reaching out to Them.

My first god of choice is Khonsu.  I’ve felt odd ties to him since the beginning of my journey.  His name just kept popping out at me at random times, but when He didn’t appear in my line-up, I thought perhaps I was mistaken about His presence in my life.  Tonight though, I’ve done some light reading, and I think that I was definitely not wrong.

Khonsu is a god of the moon, often considered THE god of the moon – and the god that played Senet against Djehuty when he was trying to win time to for Nut to give birth to Her children.  It is also thought that He keeps tracks of those who will die during the year, and is feared because of it.

He takes a few different forms – as a young mummified man with a side-lock and a crescent moon headdress, as an adult man with a falcon head, and also sometimes as a baboon (when he was depicted in his role as Keeper of the Books of the End of the Year).

It comes to no surprise to me that He has been hovering in my mind – the falcon, both as a bird and as a symbol, has a special place in my heart and in my life in general.  Djehuty is one of my Beloveds, and Khonsu is closely associated with Him – to the extent that they both represent many of the same things.

To honor Him tonight, I will burn some candles and offer cool water.  Over the next few days I hope to find a few things that will be suitable to present to Him on a more formal level, and I will spend more time tomorrow trying to learn what I can about Him.   If anyone has any suggestions, stories, or knowledge to share,  I’d love to hear it.  🙂

Days Upon the Year, Day Three

Today marks the birth of the god Set (or Seth), the Lord of the Red Land.  I can’t say that I’m very close to Him, or that I even know much about Him – but He is and has been an important deity for a few people I care about, and I give thanks for His presence in their lives.

A huge storm rolled in about an hour ago, so I went outside for a bit and lit some dragon’s blood incense for Him, and let the rain roll over me for awhile.  Dua Set, God of Storms, and He of Strength! May you always keep us on our toes. 

Days Upon the Year, Day Two

Today is the day we celebrate the birth of Heru-wer, or Horus the Elder.   He is the Golden One Whose Body is Sky and Whose Eyes are Moon and Sun.  A little later in the evening I will be joining the House in prayer and heka to honor Heru-wer, and will offer him flame, incense, dark chocolate, and rum.

Hail to the Lord of the Sky!  May we always have your strength and wisdom at our backs.  Dua Heru-wer!

Days Upon the Year, Day One.

Year 20 is finally behind us!  Aside from the fact that it was the Year of Nut, I can’t say that I’m sorry to see it go.  It’s been a hard year for me, particularly in my secular life.  I’m looking forward to a new year and new oracle.

Spiritually, I could probably say that this past year has been a disappointment as well.  I didn’t learn near as much as I wanted to, I didn’t maintain this blog very well, I didn’t keep up with the Pagan Blog Project.  The list of things that I didn’t do is pretty extensive.  When I was reflecting on the past year, that was the one big thing that stuck in my mind.

However, I didn’t stop there.  Because while there are lots of things on my list of unfinished tasks, there are many things I did do.  First and foremost, I got closer to the Kemetic community.  The sense of comfort I’ve developed with my fellow House members (and some non-House members) has made me feel really good, and I’ve come to think of it as one of the more important things I wanted.  When I first discovered the House of Netjer, community was one of the things that I was looking for in a spiritual home, and I like to think that I’ve found a relatively good one.  I was even able to meet a newer Remetj (who was quite literally just Named) in person and spend time with her.  It was very exciting for me, because there just really aren’t many members in my area and I haven’t even had the option to gather and celebrate holidays with anyone until now.

My altars for my Father and Beloveds are “complete.”   (parenthesis because there’s always room for more if I find new objects!) I pulled together photos for my Akhu altar, and while I don’t have everything that I want for it, it’s in working order.  I feel comfortable with my Divine Family and with my spirituality.

These are the things that are important to me, and the thoughts that are with me as we enter these Days upon a year and celebrate the birthdays of the Children of Nut.

Today we celebrate the birth of Wesir, Lord of the West, and King of the Akhu.  Dua Wesir!  Kheperu!

In His honor, and in the honor of my Akhu, today I will write a few letters to some of my more recently deceased relatives – my grandmother in particular, who passed away this year.

Enjoy the day, my friends!

Writing Community Recommendation!

This isn’t specifically related to Netjer – but I would like to recommend a writing community that I have been a part of for a few months.  Writing is my one creative hobby (one I feel that I do sort of well at least!) and I give thanks to Djehuty for it all the time, and I generally think that it is a gift from Him, and part of why He is in my life.  For the longest time, I gave up on writing.  I was depressed, unmotivated, and very self-conscious.  Meket urged me to join a writing community that she discovered, and it has done wonders for me.  I’m inspired and motivated by the challenges it provides, and I have found a community of other writers that share my passion and interests.  It’s been really great for my self-esteem as well. 

So!  If there are people out there that like to write and find themselves faced with mental blocks, or a lack of inspiration in general, I’d like to recommend this community to you!  It is a part of Livejournal – so you will need to have an account there (it’s easy to create one!).  You can find the Rules and FAQ here and you can find the application form here.  If you do choose to apply, let them know that Eska818 sent you! 🙂

Shrine photos!

Alright, so nearly a week later, here are some photos!

Khepera altar

If you didn’t already know, my shrine cabinet is basically a bookcase.  Each level is a separate altar, and then the lower two shelves are what I use to hold my offering supplies and other stuff I use for prayers/worship.  Things like my jar of natron, and my Senut preparation pages, and of course oodles of candles and oils, as well as the typical offering foods I like to keep in stock (dried figs and all natural fruit/sesame bars at the moment).

This shelf here is the altar for my Father, Khepera.  Pictured is the votive that I’ve posted about before, made by Nicolas, the Khepera limestone statue that was purchased on eBay, a scarab bowl that I use for water offerings, the painting by Meket, handcarved scarabs that I’ve had since I was pretty young, my tealights and lotus candle (that I never burn), a mini votive made by MiMafdet, a labyrinth pendant given to me by my sister in law, and a metal scarab pendant that Meket picked out for me.

This is my Beloved altar.  It contains my two votives, both made by Nicolas as well.  I don’t believe I’ve shared a finished photo of my Djehuty altar, or even progress photos!  But as you can see, He is an ibis sitting on top of an open book, with the moon!  The moon is a really love moonstone that I picked out from a bunch of other choices.  I think He came out wonderfully.  In the background you can see some paintings – I had them made by Itenumuti, or Emky, as most people probably are more familiar with.  There are also offering bowls that Meket gifted me, and of course, tealights.

Beloved Altar

Across the top of the shrine cabinet you can see my Aset statue, flanked by bronze Bast statues.  ^.^

Netjer Altar

This is my “general” Netjer altar space.  I make most food offerings here because of the space, and it’s where I put items from heka events with the House, and is of course just my general space to make prayer to Netjer as a whole.  The back is covered with a Nut printing that I received from Meket last year (perfect, since this year ended up belonging to Her!).  It’s fairly bare otherwise, aside from my pyramids, Bast statues and offering bowls.  The brown bowl you’ve seen before, it was a gift from my mom, and I just use a generic clear glass container for water offerings.  The bowl currently contains dried figs as an offering! You can also see a little mini Hethert – a Moomas gift from MiMafdet.

The brown pitcher is a newer item – I had to replace the handblown glass one that I had originally when I broke it on accident.  This one is much sturdier!

I sometimes put flowers here for special events, like the anniversary of my vows and Naming, or sometimes just because I feel like it.  I’m hoping to add more statuary in the future as I get closer to various Names.

Books and supplies!

And here are my supply shelves.  You can see some burnt matches on the small plate there!  As I already stated – natron jar, oils, candles.. and apparently my bag of dice, which I have not figured Who wants those, but I feel like they belong somewhere in my shrine.  The lower shelf has my foods, and also my meager supply of Kemetic related books! There is also a bast down there that doesn’t fit anywhere else, but She seems to like keeping watch!

And for good measure, here’s a final up close shot of my newest addition, Djehuty!

Dua Djehuty!